MERCENARY CHRONICLES with Merc B


By the time you read this it will be 2017. Hopefully you've made your list of resolutions, checked it to make sure you put things there that you know for sure you're going to keep and omit the stuff you don't have time for. Lol. But seriously, every year I sit, like most people and reflect back on the past year and I make a decision on what to take with me and what to leave. Here is a random list of things that we should leave in 2016. 1. Donald Trump - Can we leave this orange colored, yellow haired, built like a auntie, dry mouth, lying, looking like he snort coke fool in 2016 please?! I mean he lied, grabbed vaginas, went on trial for rape, filed for bankruptcy, rigged an election, and ran the most racist, sexist campaign in the history of the country and guess what... HE WON! How Sway?! How?! Just leave buddy here. For real. Where's El Chapo when you need him?! 2. Kanye West - This nut case right here... Look. I'm praying for the man. I don't know whether he's coming or going. And now he's meeting up and kicking it with our Orange Crush face ass president. Somebody please video tape the day Old Kanye finds New Kanye. I don't wanna miss that confrontation. 3. The Kardashians - Let's see. Kanye is lost. Lamar Odom almost bottomed out and he's back in rehab. Tyga basically committed statutory rape and now his baby mama is dating Rob and that's a whole mess. Bruce said fuck all this shit, I'm gonna just go be every woman. Mane get these folks out of here! They're worse than the plague. 4. Waist trainers - Look. I'm all the way here for getting in shape but if you have to squeeze the life out of yourself to do so then it's not worth it. I mean is a flat stomach worth suffocating the hell out of your rib cage?! Smh. 5. Men with perms - This was cool back when Little Richard and David Ruffin were popping but if I see any man come to the barbershop talking about "Let me get that wash and Just For Me", we throwing hands right there on the spot!! Women are not checking for dudes that look like Holiday Heart. I promise. 6. Mumbling rap - I'll be first one to admit that I'm all for the trap/turn up music, but these new cats though... They gotta go. I mean it would at least help if I understood what you were saying. I tried listening to 21 Savage the other day and immediately went into my prayer closet, repented for sins, and asked God to give me back the 685 brain cells I lost in the 3 minutes I listened. 7. Social Media Challenges - Some of these are cool. The positive ones anyway. But after a while they get extremely annoying. Everybody wants to set a trend. I get it. WE get it. Now just go away and stop this shit. They've clearly gotten out of hand. This "Switch It Up" challenge is extremely asinine! Ladies here's a free tip: If you and your man participate in this challenge and he's comfortable wearing women's clothing, then chances are your man likes boys and performs at "the club" on the weekends. Now you know what he means when he says "hanging with the fellas". 8. The system - The 13th Documentary certainly revealed lots of things we already know or didn't know. And 2016 saw some of the most horrific crimes by police against minorities, most of which were caught on camera for the world to see. The killers(not cops. Killers. Murderers), often walked free. Black folks got so tired and it happened so often that we stopped making hashtags. Then the same system tried to pain Black Lives Matter as a terrorist group while the real terrorists wear blue uniforms and are sworn to serve and protect our communities. Man fuck the system! Leave it here in 2016. Let's recreate and restructure it. 9. The term "thirsty" - Please let this die. I swear if you like somebody you're "thirsty". If you compliment somebody you're "thirsty". Hop in their inbox or DMs, then you're "thirsty".(Wait, that is kinda "thirsty" though. Ha!) But seriously. Let this term die. We care so much about what people think that some of y'all have missed out on your soul mate because you let social media tell you that showing interest is "thirsty". Man forget that. SHOOT YOUR SHOT!

10. Did I mention the worst candy ever known to man is Candy Corn. Donald Trump is orange with yellow hair. What does that resemble?! You guessed it.. CANDY CORN. I knew we were doomed from the start. Donald Trump?!

Seriously have a happy and awesome new year. Set goals and achieve them. Don't let anybody or anything stop or deter you from anything you've set your mind to do. If this is truly your year then go out, be proactive, grab it by the balls and take what's yours because it's out there waiting for you. Y'all share that... Stay Up. Stay Blessed. Stay Free.

Merc.


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